[hackerspaces] How to deal with this kinds of arrasemenr

[Christie Dudley]

Someone needs to sit down and talk to that man and explain that you aren't
operating a dating club. He's not allowing her to be there on the same
terms he is, which is fundamentally disrespectful. He needs to be made
aware that he should treat every person there with respect, regardless of
what form they happen to have. Someone needs to drive this home and help
him understand that the lack of respect is harming her, him and the
hackerspace's very reputation.

It's not a woman problem, it's a respect problem. I have personally seen
inappropriate behavior by gay men, too. (Still waiting to see women
harassing people, but I'm sure it's a matter of time/power dynamics until
someone thinks they can get away with it.) The problem was (periodically)
addressed by having someone the member they respected sit down with them
and explain to them in excruciating detain the problem, making crystal
clear that the behavior is unacceptable.

It's very difficult to totally address this problem, since giving someone
the boot is usually pretty difficult in a hackerspace and would likely
cause a lot of drama.

I really wonder why people engage in such self-defeating behavior, though.


________
"As a means of espionage, writs of assistance and general warrants are but
puny instruments of tyranny and oppression when compared with wire tapping."
 - Justice Louis Brandeis, Olmstead v. US, dissenting opinion

If you're interested in my work,
Videos of my talks can be found here: https://www.youtube.com/user/longobord
I was a discussant at the World Forum for Democracy in 2013:
http://www.coe.int/en/web/world-forum-democracy/lab7
Slides from my talks are here: http://www.slideshare.net/ChristieDudley
My papers can be found here: http://ssrn.com/author=1999441


On Mon, Jan 27, 2014 at 3:12 PM, Pete Prodoehl <raster at gmail.com> wrote:

>
> We have Rule #2 which is "Don't be a dick." as outlined here:
>
>
> http://wiki.milwaukeemakerspace.org/bylaws/section213_article4_subsectionk_paragraph18_line419
>
> And yeah, we make (too many) signs:
>
>     http://wiki.milwaukeemakerspace.org/projects/dontbeadick
>
>
> Pete
>
>
>
> On 1/27/14, 4:27 PM, Dave wrote:
>
> I'm considering adding "Don't be an asshole!" to the top of our small list
> of rules.
>
>
> On Mon, Jan 27, 2014 at 1:21 PM, Arclight <arclight at gmail.com> wrote:
>
>>   Well, if you want to have nice things, you have to keep the space
>> nice.  The first step would be for someone to privately talk to this
>> individual and let them know they are getting out of hand. Don't drop
>> hints, don't be ambiguous, and do this in person, not e-mail or over the
>> phone.This should be sufficient if we're talking someone who is not crazy.
>>
>>  If this doesn't do it, subsequent warnings can come in the form of their
>> key not working, and some large dudes having any further discussions
>> outside the space in the parking lot. The language can be rather less
>> polite if necessary.
>>
>>  Don't ever play games like "trying to keep the weirdo guy away from the
>> girls" or other passive-aggressive BS. If you don't trust them  to be in
>> your space unsupervised, they should not be in the space in the first
>> place.  Whether they are useful to your space in other ways is not the
>> issue here. Someone will step up to replace what you lost, but you can't
>> replace trust.
>>
>>
>>  We don't a new study in post-modern gender roles among computer
>> professionals to know what basic manners are supposed to look like.
>>
>> Arclight
>>  23b Shop
>>
>>
>>
>>  On Mon, Jan 27, 2014 at 7:59 AM, Florencia Edwards <floev22 at gmail.com>wrote:
>>
>>>  Hi all. On our hackerspaces there is this person very active in the
>>> community of older age (60ish), who started giving presents to a 26 year
>>> old staff member and asking her to report when she got home because he
>>> worried somehing would happen to her. Than he sent an email saying he was
>>> in love with this member and that he had expectations ,but all was lost
>>> when he found out she had a boyfriend. The staff member told him she wasnt
>>> intrested and to please keep distance, respectfuly. After that he kept
>>> sending emails saying that he needed this staff memers attention to keep
>>> proactive in the maker community. He sent another present
>>> This staff memer is tired of this, is doing an ignore strategy but this
>>> person insists a lot. Also the conmunity at the hackersoace love him and
>>> learn a lot from him so its difficult to just ban.
>>>
>>> What do you recomend for this? How can communicate with ths person so he
>>> stops bothering the staff? Do you consider his behavior arrasement?
>>>
>>> Ill really appreceate answers
>>>
>>>  _______________________________________________
>>> Discuss mailing list
>>> Discuss at lists.hackerspaces.org
>>> http://lists.hackerspaces.org/mailman/listinfo/discuss
>>>
>>>
>>
>> _______________________________________________
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>>
>>
>
>
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