[hackerspaces] [Noisebridge-discuss] Please reach out

Carlyn maw carlynorama at gmail.com
Thu Nov 24 01:29:58 CET 2011

Oh other questions:

What did I miss most about myself? What was I looking forward to the most
about the time when the depression was past?

On Wed, Nov 23, 2011 at 4:19 PM, Carlyn maw <carlynorama at gmail.com> wrote:

> I have to say advice from people who have never been really depressed
> feels terrible. I'm lucky enough to have passed through some stuff with the
> help of SAMe (after the conventionals failed) and exercise and Cognitive
> Behavioral skills, but it always felt so terrible when someone - with all
> the best intentions in the world - would advise instead of listen.
> I responded well to be asked what it felt like in my body -
> what muscles clenched at particular thoughts, what ached when,  did things
> taste differently, did I find my reaction to music or stories stronger or
> blunted... (was I crying more or less than usual, did I think that was good
> or bad?) they reminded me to think of my biology as being in play, my
> physical self. Well anyway, I thought those questions
> were particularly thoughtful and I remember the conversation clearly but
> that won't work for everyone.
> I don't really ever talk about my experience much. I guess that actually
> makes me a bit selfish, in some ways, but it feels so private. Depression
> for me was an inverse spotlight, sucking the light away from where I was to
> the point where it was be hard to remember that happy could ever happen,
> that any success could ever matter enough. The night tries trick you into
> thinking it has no morning and that is when the worst can happen.  I feel
> freakishly fortunate that my mind found cracks to escape through and that I
> wasn't, in the end, washed out to sea by my own neuro chemistry.  That
> doesn't make me better or stronger or even more knowledgable about the
> disease than the people who don't escape, it just means I was luckier.
> The roulette games I played to fix things turned out to be the right ones
> for me. I'm so stoked that things like fMRI's and genetic testing might
> make treating depression more of a precision science in the future. Nerds
> unite! Science to the rescue! Yay!
> On Tue, Nov 22, 2011 at 4:40 PM, Mitch Altman <maltman23 at hotmail.com>wrote:
>>  Thanks, daravinne.
>> Depression is a normal part of human life.  Everyone gets depressed from
>> time to time.  It is the totally natural response to stressful or very sad
>> events.
>> But depression is the only mental health condition that is also a basic
>> human emotion (at least in the English language, and at least some
>> others).  It's not unheard of to hear people say something like, "I feel a
>> bit depressed today".  But you will rarely hear someone say in all
>> seriousness, "I feel a bit paranoid schizophrenic today."
>> Different people have different ways of dealing with various forms of
>> depression.  Some work well for a given person.  That's great!  And it is
>> important for each of us to find ways that work for us.  But it's important
>> to know, as daravinne said, that someone with the living hell of chronic
>> depression may not respond well to things that work for someone who has
>> never suffered from serious depression and has ways of dealing with "the
>> blues".
>> One thing I'd like to stress:
>> If someone asks for (or needs, or wants) emotional support, and you are
>> in a place to sincerely give it:  please listen to them -- really listen.
>> You really don't need to say much at all -- other than to, perhaps,
>> paraphrase back what you heard them say, so that they know that you are
>> listening.  It is important to not merely give advice.  It is natural for
>> us to want to share what works well for us.  But when someone needs
>> emotional support, a short list of things to do (or long explanations) is
>> not what they need from you now -- it is actually distracting from what
>> they need.  When someone needs emotional support, they need to feel
>> that someone hears them, that someone empathizes with their pain, that
>> someone cares enough to listen.  After listening, it is much more
>> empowering for the person if you ask them if there is anything they would
>> like to do next (usually short term is better -- something to get through
>> the night), rather than give your advice to them directly.  If you're
>> wondering if a person would like some advice, please ask them.
>> By writing what I wrote, above, I don't mean to imply that it's bad to
>> let others know in emails what has worked for you.  I'm really glad that
>> people are talking and writing about all this.  I think that if we talk
>> more about depression and suicide that others will feel less alone in their
>> feelings of being alone and depressed, or suicidal.  A very large number of
>> us in our geek communities have suffered, and are suffering.  And it is
>> totally OK and helpful to talk about our experiences.  Maybe we can help
>> each other this way.  In my view, this is part of what community is for
>> (and why it feels so good to be part of community).
>> Thanks,
>> Mitch.
>> -------------------------
>> > From: daravinne at gmail.com
>> > Date: Tue, 22 Nov 2011 13:59:34 -0800
>> > To: will.sargent at gmail.com
>> > CC: discuss at lists.hackerspaces.org;
>> noisebridge-discuss at lists.noisebridge.net
>> > Subject: Re: [Noisebridge-discuss] [hackerspaces] Please reach out
>> >
>> > I just want to make a point, about depression-
>> >
>> > Not all depressed people are equal in their depression. There are a
>> > range of emotional issues, including but not limited to depression,
>> > that people can display, often at the same time. The person whose
>> > depression can be mitigated by a nice walk, some exercise and cleaning
>> > their room, is NOT the same as the person whose depression requires
>> > medication or serious therapy to overcome. The person whose depression
>> > is a result of being in a rut, being broken up with, losing their job
>> > or the like, is NOT the same as the person whose depression is an
>> > expression of their inability to cope with some past abuse or trauma.
>> > The plan of action that makes one person buck up and sort their shit
>> > may have the effect on another of further pushing them towards self
>> > harm or sucidal ideation. There is no one size fits all "cure" for
>> > depression.
>> >
>> > Please don't take this as me disagreeing that exercise etc are good
>> > things to do; they are. There is a range of root causes for
>> > depression, and often the people who are not exhibiting outward signs
>> > or hiding the depth of their internal states are the most in need of
>> > help from others.
>> >
>> >
>> >
>> > On Tue, Nov 22, 2011 at 1:27 PM, Will Sargent <will.sargent at gmail.com>
>> wrote:
>> > > On Tue, Nov 22, 2011 at 6:40 AM, Frantisek Apfelbeck <
>> algoldor at yahoo.com> wrote:
>> > >> Hi to All!
>> > >> I've to say that I do not have depressions very often and if I do
>> they are
>> > >> not very bad ones - I'm comparing my experience/feeling to what you
>> are
>> > >> writing about. However if I get it, there is one thing which works
>> 95% cases
>> > >> for me ==>> going to the nature and "being there" for several hours.
>> I sit
>> > >
>> > > Here's a condensed list:
>> > >
>> > > http://tersesystems.com/2009/12/28/what-makes-people-happy
>> > >
>> > > 1) Direct sunlight.
>> > > 2) 8 hours of sleep.
>> > > 3) Movement outside.
>> > > 4) Social interaction.
>> > > 5) Regular meals.
>> > > 6) Satisfying work.
>> > >
>> > > The extremely condensed version is "Human beings need walkies."  I
>> > > think sometimes we think we're far more complicated than we actually
>> > > are.
>> > >
>> > > Will.
>> > > _______________________________________________
>> > > Noisebridge-discuss mailing list
>> > > Noisebridge-discuss at lists.noisebridge.net
>> > > https://www.noisebridge.net/mailman/listinfo/noisebridge-discuss
>> > >
>> > _______________________________________________
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